Monday, May 16, 2011

Babies and other Musings

So it is official my husband and I are trying not to have/have a baby!!! Basically since I know it could be tough for us trying to have a child with the Endometriosis I have decided not trying is the best thing for us.  I really don't want to be the kind of couple that schedules sex, and having to take my temperature, or use an ovulation stick etc.... I have no desire to do anything stressful in creating our wonderful family.  Now I know that this situation may change if we don't have any luck conceiving but I have made my peace if I am unable to have my own children, and I may look into adoption as an alternative, and hopefully adopt later on in life.  I love my life with my husband just the two of us and our 4 kitties so if it is just us, I am ok with this too.  I have such a big heart and there are so many children out there that need good homes and you don't have to go to other countries to find them, we need to take care of our own children here in the United States first, at least that's how I see it.

To be honest I am terrified of motherhood mainly because it is the one thing that no matter what you do to plan for it, it cannot be planned completely.  There are no guarantees you or I will be good parents, or are good parents, or that we can do it all right.  This is what scares me the most since I am a perfectionist, doing it perfect, and  being the perfect mother are what I will strive to be.  I know that striving to be perfect is not something that is necessarily a good quality, and I know it is also one that is unrealistic, but I tend to think if you set the bar high then when you get even close to reaching it then you have done a good job, and the best you can do, is all we as humans can give.  Failure for me is not an option. 

I plan on being in school finishing my Bachelors in Criminology and Criminal Justice, which I have about a year and a half to go, and being a mother, and working full time, but maybe going to work part time if I can.   I cannot wait to move back home to Colorado and be around everyone who knows me, really knows me.  I miss that feeling when I am around my best friend when we can just have long conversations about everything under the world while sitting on the side of a mountain taking the view in, just being one with nature.  I miss my family being able to be apart of their growth and experience.  I also like the fact that we are missed when we are gone, that when my husband and I aren't around it really gives everyone time to reflect on how we touch their lives and it is good to be missed. So wish us luck on our baby journey, we are having fun so far making one :)   

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